Sunday, 12 November 2017

Questions We Should Be Asking in a Relationship

Yes, I realise that I am only twenty years old and am giving, albeit light, relationship advice, which I will inevitably ignore when the time comes to apply it to my own. By no means am I a qualified relationship adviser, but I have learnt a thing or two that I’d like to share.

I believe that during your relationship, you should be prepared to answer some questions truthfully. Just to check in with yourself, say, each month. We ask our friends how they are and how their relationships are going almost every day! So, why shouldn’t we ask about our own?

Are you happy?

This may seem patronising because it is so simple, but often at the start of a relationship the answer is a thoughtless ‘yes.’ Even if five months in there are some things that you think are potentially a little annoying or upsetting, but your answer is still ‘yes,’ that is okay. That is normal. You can then discuss them with your partner!

There is no point being with someone that is making you unhappy. So, if you are asking yourself this question frequently and the ‘yes’ is purely habitual rather than sincere, it might be time to think more honestly about your answer. If you realise that it's been a ‘no’ for a while, at least you are self-aware, giving you time to talk to your partner and choose whether you should be with that person.

Do you trust your partner?

Trust is fundamental to all relationships, whether it is platonic or sexual. The classic mum line: “you can’t build a relationship without trust,” is one hundred percent true. This should be an easy question to answer; if you’re feeling jealous, highly strung, and anxious about what your partner is doing when you aren’t there, there is potentially something not quite right in your relationship.

The more you pester your partner with that, “who are you with?” and, “why are you out without me?” text, the further you are pushing them away. The chances are that you’re projecting your own insecurities onto them. Stop stalking which girl/guy’s picture your partner liked on Instagram; it is unnecessary if you truly love each other.

If you are concerned that your suspicions are not just mere paranoia, then perhaps confront them with what has been bothering you. I am sure you will be able to gauge from their response whether their intentions were innocent, or not. If they have been unaware of their actions and how it made you feel, they can stop and so can your worries! 

Check out Catana Comics on Instagram, her work is so relatable! 

Do they trust you?

Being with somebody that does not trust you is equally as exhausting. These people are emotionally needy and lack confidence in themselves, therefore in your relationship too. They can also be quite manipulative or controlling, perhaps telling you that you aren’t allowed to go out with friends, or don’t want you to wear something in fear that you will attract sexual attention.

It is easy to think that you are doing wrong and do not want to upset them. Try not to let this happen, remind them that you love them and that you can also stick up for yourself if someone else is interested!

Do you feel comfortable?

I have personally experienced a relationship in which I felt uncomfortable. This, for me, stemmed from my boyfriend not fully accepting who I was as a person. Pretending to be something that I wasn’t became the norm. If your partner does not make you feel good in your own skin, tell them. Ask them if they would like you if you were less like this and less like that, if they say ‘no,’ then you have your answer.

Does your partner want to change you?

Is your partner asking you to stop doing something you like, or to change your style? Do they ever tell you that they don’t like your personal interests or hobbies and want you to stop? Has your partner ever said that they want you to start acting in a different way?

Even the small things like: “to be honest, I prefer it when you wear your hair up,” when you’ve always worn your hair down, is a large indicator that the person you are with is not someone that loves, values and respects you. You should never allow someone to make you feel like what you do, what you wear, who you are is not already completely perfect.

If they are trying to change you, nine times out of ten, they don’t really want to be with you, the real you. They just want a cut, paste and edited version for themselves. Well, tough. They can’t have half of you. You come as a whole package, baby.

Throughout this post I have used the amazing Catana Comics work, be sure to click here and check out more of her hilarious comics based on the truths of being in a relationship! I can't help but scroll down her Instagram feed, her content is just brilliant.

George x

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